film the dead: see how they lie

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:49:08 GMT

soooooooooo... i have my glasses. anyone wanna help me find a website that sells plastic prescription glasses that are made for someone with a large face? specifically i need a good amount of width from one arm to the next, i need long arms, and i need a pretty tall lens. all the ones i can find online are either ridiculously expensive or are made for smaller faces than mine. and of course those are the ones that look nice, so i'm sure i'll end up getting some that are huge and ugly :/

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 05:55:11 GMT

i think a major problem with humanity is that most people have developed a sentimental attachment to uselessness.

For when Astral Projection is not enough

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:10:24 GMT

try Quantum Jumping!

Mr Pig

Sun, 31 May 2009 01:28:33 GMT

Pig died today. RIP piggidy. I'm sorry you had to go, but I'm glad for when you were here. You'll get full honors and be buried with the kitties and the bunny.

thought

Thu, 07 May 2009 15:40:28 GMT

Americans don't really mind immigrants. We just don't like the ones who aren't from northern Europe or the ones who don't have white skin.

If a bunch of Germans wanted to come stay with us, we'd have no issue. Mexicans though, we don't like those. They don't come from a trustworthy continent (most people seem to think that Mexico is part of South America).

It just occurred to me that the issue was never really immigration at all.

My personal philosophy on why humanity is doomed.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:55:14 GMT

Humanity, on the whole, has ruined our ability to evolve. We have doomed our own species; and yet, in a way, it is evolution that doomed itself. Before we manage to kill everything in the world, including ourselves, it seems necessary to examine why it is that we do what we do, and why this was our evolutionary fate.

The key factor in a species ability to evolve is prevention. Most species of animal derive a certain ability to perceive threats before they are too close to avoid, in order to stay alive. Else they simply develop a system that deters the threats. For instance:

Ex. 1: Some animals can sense incoming lightning and flock to nearby trees that they may avoid getting struck themselves.
Ex. 2: Some animals evolve to use a variety of colored appendages in order to convince other animals that they are poisonous to ingest.

Human beings, on the whole, have long since lost this uncanny ability to deal with potential issues before they become horribly obvious issues. Part of this is because we learned to use tools, and to fashion tools that were better and better. This lost to us the edge of a more natural understanding of threat, and our more instinctual need for a sort of harmony. Perhaps our instinctual need is not towards harmony, but an evolutionary directive that keeps things in check. Somehow, we managed to skip out on that one.

Now, we have only our ability to minimize the damage that has already befallen us. We try to defend ourselves against threats, but only once the threat is a reality. We don't learn to try to scare off the would-be killers, we get attacked and simply have to reduce the deaths that will be coming. When did we start caring about the eco-system? When it was so far gone that we had already lost much of what we had. When did we start worrying about what we were doing with our pollution? When the effects were so rampant that we simply HAD to notice. We lost our natural edge for prevention long ago.

We, instead, grew into a group that gained time for art. Art is probably the ultimate downfall of humanity as a species. While it can be a beautiful past-time, the fact is that it was unnecessary to our survival, but it did breed greed. Greed in a natural sense is more of wanting you and your offspring to have the best in life. Mostly the offspring. The whole point of breeding and, honestly, existing as a biological organism is to pass on the best of the best to the next generation. If you can survive long enough to breed, and your offspring can do the same, it is generally assumed that you have succeeded.

Sadly, with our human greed, not only did we lose some of the perspective of providing for those we wish to pass our best on to, but we twisted the original purpose. Greed led to the promotion of lavish lifestyles, which are ultimately short-sighted as far as keeping the generations after you alive. If you are eating all of the available fish in the ocean, your children will not be able to eat them. You will breed diseased and weak offspring, mostly because they will not be able to be provided for. It is a dooming of your own species.

However, because of our ability to lead a life where we could have the things we wanted, and did NOT need, and the tools to not only continue this process, but to unburden enough people that an entire group was able to give up such work in order to purely concentrate on the creation of unnecessary items, we basically removed our instinctual drive to make sure that we had what we needed for those behind us.

Not only that, but because of the way our society began to protect people, we suddenly, in many societies, lost the ability to cast out or slay those who were too weak to get on without dragging others down. The handicapped beggars of Rome and such... they did not add to the society, or the group, they simply drained from it, siphoning from the bottom. If something only lives to feed from you, it is, in general, a parasite, and unless it is your own offspring (and honestly if it is parasitic to you and it seems like it would continue to be so later on, it would still, in evolutionary and instinctual terms, make more sense to terminate it). Instead, what we ended up doing was defending the rights of those who could not defend their own.

Not only this, but we allowed those who were once useful but later became parasitic (really old people who could no longer provide for themselves) and we protected them as well, rather than shutting them out of the world to go die in the woods. We even spent our time artificially evolving our lives (via tools) to keep ourselves alive, and we repeatedly invested time and energy into continuing the lives of people who could not ever be productive, but would have died without the aid. This is not sound behavior.

Now, it is prudent to point out that I am not suggesting that we go out and kill all the people with physical disabilities or mental defects or such. Nor do I suggest that we cull the diseased from our ranks and breed pure Aryan babies or anything of that sort. What I am saying is that because we did not do these things, we doomed our own species. We cannot evolve, and as such, we can never exist in harmony with the world around us. Because we did not continue to gain the ability to NATURALLY deal with our issues, and learn to co-exist, our only method of survival now is to change our environment to suit ourselves, and that is, at least in the over-done method that humans must do it in, the signal of our end.

The energy it takes to keep us alive and thriving through the incredible number of unnatural tools we have learned to create and learned to use will eventually be too much for us to carry on. We will continually have to use the resources around us, and as our numbers grow and we continue to keep practicing our lifestyle of lavish behavior, holding afloat those who cannot rise above alone, and breaking our connections to our natural mandates, we will continue to use so much of what is around us that it will be unable to support us any longer. We will eventually become a force of our own, far beyond that of anything on our planet... but we will never evolve. And if our tools were ever stop working, we would sink, and no one could hold us afloat.

BN: I don't really care if we all die, and we never evolve. I'm a good human, and I'm just here for the ride. My time on Earth will end before any kind of horrible calamity will befall mankind. And I couldn't rise above the water on my own, so I'm all good with keeping the parasites alive and well. Hell, we could use a raise.

TADA!

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 04:16:40 GMT

This is what anime boils down to in my head

When I talk about the art-style of anime, I will henceforth simply refer to that amazing little link to explain my point.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 03:30:29 GMT

i hate that i can't stop loving people who i'm not supposed to love. who don't want my love, even.

it sucks. people who can forget me later have it easy. i'd trade with them any day.

Three epiphanies. They are what they are.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:38:06 GMT

First, allow me to define selfish, as it has a rather bad EQ at this
time in society. For the purpose of my discussion, the term selfish
purely means that what you have done is done for yourself. Selfish
behaviour can also be charitable. A PURELY selfish act is one that
is done entirely for the self, and benefits no one else (it may even
harm others intentionally), and it is never charitable. PURE
selfishnes is a realistic extreme, not a hypothetical one.
PURE selflessness would be other extreme, but is is entirely
hypoethetical, as PURE selflessness is impossible to acheive.

Anything you do, no matter how much it benefits someone else and how,
much you give away to accomplish it, benefits you. You know this even
as you do it. Every action you take is weighed against a list of
possible consequences as you do it (though it is not always something
that is well thought out, so the consequences you consider may not
be all the consequences available).

Think about it... aren't you taught from a very young age to do
nice things for others? Consider the child who is taught that sharing
should make them feel good by some PBS television show. They're having it
spelled out right then. "This will make you feel good about yourself."
So when they grow up to be a young person, they help an old lady across
the street because it makes them feel good. It may help the old lady, sure,
but they will be happier for having done it.

Let's consider an extreme now. Consider that someone has asked you
to the wedding of someone who has, and will probably always be,
rude to you. You don't even like weddings (in this scenario). You
would happily watch the bride and maid-of-honor die horribly in
some scene from an 80s slasher flick. And yet, your friend has
promised to go and they really don't want to be alone.

Here are the options in this example. You can decide not to go, which
will make you feel better, though you will feel bad for having left
your friend to the wolves; or you can go with her and feel better for
making her happy, but remain miserable throughout the event.

Whichever you pick, you have done it for yourself. If you decide to not
go, you have simply said "The consequences of going would make me more
unhappy than the consequences of not going. I will therefore not go."
Similarly, had you chosen to go, you would have said the opposite. Either
way, you did what you wanted to do.

Now, this is not to say you have control over every aspect of your life.
Things can happen to affect you that you do not control. However, what you
do after those events is in your control. I do not mean, for instance, that
if you get hit by a car, it is your choice to die. Death would, again, be
something you do not control. However, if you get hit by a car, you do have
the choice of how you will respond to the changes that have occured. Your
options are continually limited by what happens, but your chosen course of
action is always your own; and it will always, in some way, be selfish.

Fact and fiction are 2 things that we generally accept as something that we
can seperate and distinguish between. This is balogna, plain and simple.
Consider a rock. Just a plain, grey rock. Ok, now, ask yourself this:
What rock am I (the author) picturing?

The fact is, you do not know. You can't know. We each have our own perceptions
on this rock, and all the scientific data in the world could never prove that
we are both able to see the rock, feel the rock, or perceive the rock in any
other way the SAME EXACT way another person did. This is because no observation
of the rock will ever tell you the fact of the rock. The rock may not even have
fact. It may be entirely what our perceptions make it. I prefer to think that
there is some underlying fact to the rock, but there is no way to prove it.

Any way we are able to observe something, or to perceive it at all, we must
invent. Say you measure the rock. That's all well and good, but you invented
the unit of measurement (or someone did). You try to bounce light off of it
to determine its color. The way you do this is also created. If you set 3 people
up next to each other and one is colorblind to a degree, they may see a different
color entirely.

At some point in all of this, you had to build your knowledge
off of the rock off of an assumption. Usually a typically acceptable assumption,
but not always. The point is, however, that if you try to objectively know what
something is, you will fail. There is no way to not have a bias or an assumption
in the mix; and the assumption is a lie. It is not a fact.

That's a fact.

Every event that has ever happened has changed every subsequent event. And I'm
not talking about just the holocaust or the day Ronald Reagan was killed and
replaced by an android. If a singular atom hits another singular atom, it starts
a chain reaction of similar effects, none of which are controlled. However,
they are real. The atoms do not move in those ways of their own accord, they
are responding to the stimulus that they have received. The fact is, they are
bound to what they do. It is what they are.

Now, the average human believes that he has some control over his life. He thinks
that he is going to have toast today. Fate did not decide he would have toast
today, he did. He decides to eat some butter on his toast too, because the doctor
told him not to (he's a lot like me). The reality is, he did choose to eat the
toast and have butter on it. Those were his decisions.

However, what caused him to make those decisions he does not control. Events have
conspired since the dawn of time to make him have toast that day. Not some
ancient omniscient fellow who vicariously decides to eat toast through our guy
some date umpty trillion years later. But the chaotic atoms bouncing around, the
movements set in motion by the movements set in motion by the movements did
make him take that action. However, they made him decide to take the action.

This is not to say that what you do is not your doing. Most people try to stand
on their toes here and say 'Either we have control or we don't. Our actions
are either meaningless, or we have have freedom.' I ask why either excludes the
other.

As I said above, your decisions are selfish. You decide what your response will
be. All I am saying in this section is that while the decisions are your own, you
were ever so slightly put on a path to come to the point where that decision was
the one you would make. No one intended for you to make it (unless you would
like to blame the USDA), but it was certainly a decision that you were going to
make. Destiny sounds like an inescapable idea full of conscious machinations to
force you to do something against your will.

Welcome to reality, your ability to choose is not freedom. It is the culmination
of every event before it, and part of every event thereafter.

Everything I said above is, I am sure, true. All of it. What does that mean to you?
Nothing.

1:
If you know that you are selfish, can you stop being selfish? Nope. How would
you? I already said that any response you make is selfish. What response to that would
not be what I said it would be?

2:
If you don't know anything, should you give up on measurements and perceived identities?
Of course not. Truth is, if someone whacks you with a 2x4, you're gonna get hurt. Just
because your perception of it is shifted slightly to avoid to be biased or subjective
does not prevent your perception from being what you base your life around. You can't
exist truly without feeling.

3:
So you have been told that your choices are not the free choices you once believed. Should
you go hold up a convenience store and say it isn't your fault? Well, really I can't
decide that for you, but if you are the kind of person who is going to do that after
reading the words of another, I don't see how the lack of freedom in your choices would
bother you. If I inspire you to do something that you "would not normally do", then you
are proving that the events that occur before your action direct your future actions.
If you're just doing it because nothing matters, then you'd be better off lying down
and dying. Of course, it'd be rather selfish of you to do it without benefiting me first.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:31:10 GMT

my numerology numbers:

nov 29 1982

1 + 1 + 2 + 9 + 1 + 9 + 8 + 2

You posses great compassion and you seek to be of service to others. You have concern for the weak and the downtrodden. You are a healer and a helper to others. You are capable of giving comfort to those in need, and you frequently offer a shoulder for others to cry on.

Your task in life is to develop the tools necessary to be truly helpful to others, rather than to simply be a sympathetic ear. You must find the balance between help and interference. In the same way, you must learn the delicate art of the counselor who knows when to leave the struggle to others and when to avoid taking away the necessary experiences and lessons of life. You are naturally balanced. Therefore you are well equipped to support and ground others in times of trial.

It is your tendency to take responsibility, you often fill the void left by others, and you do not turn away from personal sacrifice. At times, you may feel overburdened by the travails of others. However, the love others bestow upon you is your well-deserved reward.

You try to maintain harmony within the family or group balancing and fusing divergent forces. You seek marriage and you are often a wonderful parent, offering warmth, protection and understanding to children.

You are generous, kind and attractive. You are often admired, even adored, which baffles you. You are humble, and yet carry a deep pride, You move well and gracefully, but will have to work hard to stay in shape. Seek out physical exercise and limit the sweets and dairy you crave, to keep yourself from becoming plump and round.

When young you, you must be careful not to choose partners for the wrong reasons. Do not let sentimentally influence your decisions, especially those involving the choice of a spouse. You need to be needed, but you must learn to discriminate between those you can help and others who are made weaker by your care. After all, it is in you nature to be attracted to weaker brothers and sisters among us.

The temptation and the danger for you are to think of yourself as the savior of the world carrying the burdens of others in your shoulders.

You are blessed with musical talent, as well as talent in the visual and performing arts. However, your creativity may be suppressed due to your willingness to sacrifice or your inability to fully appreciate your talents. This is not to say that you cannot excel in these areas, on the contrary, you have the talent, and with effort you can make success in a number of artistic fields.

You also have enormous talent in business. You are blessed with a great deal of charm and charisma, which you use effectively to attract the people and the support you need. Other vocations that offer you potential for success are mostly found in the areas of healing, teaching, hospitality, management of apartment complex or government institutions, and anything related to animals.

it's funny that a lot of that is very true, but a lot of it is very wrong.

Why I hate my birthday.

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:58:51 GMT

Since I was 12, I have hated each and everyone one of my birthdays. For a long time I didn't really understand what it was about my birthday that made me so completely depressed, but I think I am closer to understanding why; though it is of little comfort.

When I have a birthday, I am not celebrating another year of my life. I doubt I would ever call another year of life something to celebrate. What it is for me is another year to look back on, and to remember where I've come from and what I've done. I hate it.

What do I see when I look back? Failures, mistakes, disservices to the closest things to 'friends' I can probably honestly say I have. Times I did something foolish and hurt someone, or myself. Times I did foolish things that were so awfully embarrassing that looking back on them makes me feel almost violently ill. And lastly, I remember the times where my life seemed surest.

Those times are long gone. Not, necessarily, that there can never be more; rather that the times I can actually sit and appreciate are gone. My friends from my childhood change, move on, become new people. I never feel new. I look in the mirror and I wonder who the stranger I see in the reflection is. It can't be me, I don't even want to be able to believe that I have changed too.

Birthdays since I turned 17 are the worst. I turned 17 in my senior year of high school. I knew then that after that year, nothing would ever be right again. I spent 6 years in that high school. 6 years where I had something like a home; 6 years of knowing what was going to happen, when it would happen, and what my reaction would be. 6 years of safety.

On Martin Luther King Jr day in 2000, I attempted suicide. That remains my biggest failure to date. I intended to make sure that I'd never have to look back, as I do now, to the last safety I would ever experience. I intended to make sure that the things that would change would never change against me. I intended to stop my progression. I didn't.

So now, every birthday, what do I get? I get frightened, angry, and sad. My world ended 8 years and 10 months ago. I don't know whose world I live in now, but I look forward to my last birthday more and more. I was not meant to be here; I do not fit in this world; I am wrong for it.

That's why I hate my birthday.

I swear to god, if I get a single "*Comfort*" or 'Aww, I hope you feel better', I will track down the idiot who sent it and kill them. This is an explanation, not a plea for hand-holding and emotional comfort.

emo me

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 18:27:43 GMT

less than 2 weeks from my birthday.

wish i had made sure i stopped at 17.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 10:41:50 GMT

i <3 my friend teemu.

teemu says:
heu taucher, bringen sie bitte meinem kartoffel koffer aus dem seeboden??
teemu says:
durr eheh
Sarai the schickse says:
rofl
Sarai the schickse says:
wtf did you say?
teemu says:
hey scubadiver, will you please bring my potato-bag from the bottom of the sea?

dear god he's weird. it scares me that his little finnish self speaks german and english.

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 02:32:53 GMT

eviscerate the proletariat!

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 03:55:18 GMT

i'm pathetic.

thanks and drive through.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 02:52:57 GMT

"On a piece of yellow paper with green lines
      he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
      because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
      and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
      and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
      took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
      with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
      Valentine signed with a row of X's
      and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

On a piece of white paper with blue lines
      he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
      because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
      and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
      because of its new paint
And the kids told him
      that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
      with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
      when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
      his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
      when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from a notebook
      he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
      because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
      and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
      because he never showed her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
      of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
      making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
      or even talked
And the girl around the corner
      wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
      but he kissed her anyway
      cause that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
      his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
      he tried anther poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
      because this time he didn't think
      he could reach the kitchen."

-Stephen Chbosky
"The perks of being a wallflower"